To start this blog you will need to clear a space about 3 feet by 3 feet, or a metre by a metre for the Aussie readership. Place yourself at one end of this space with your feet shoulder-width apart. See diagram A if this is all a bit much for you.
Diagram ANext, kneel down as if you are about to receive the Holy Sacrament (diagram B).
Diagram BPlace your hands on the ground, palms down, about a foot and a half in front of your knees (45cm Aussies). You should now be 'on all fours' as if you are about to, errr, ummm, receive the Holy Sacrament (diagram C).
Diagram CRight, this is the tricky part. You need to slide your right hand to the right by half a foot (15cm), and then do the same with your right foot. Now repeat this process with your left hand and foot but in the opposite direction, i.e. to the left. You should now be 'splayed', like Bambi trying to walk before mummy got a mouthful of lead.
Diagram DFinally, straighten your arms and legs fully; this should cause your bum to ride up into the air at a sharp angle. Let your head hang vertically so you are looking backwards between your legs. You know you've got it right when you feel like an idiot. Hold this position for 15 seconds.
Diagram ENow imagine you are male, 75 years of age, completely naked and holding this position in the communal showers at your local gym. Imagine also that a young male who looks a bit like, I dunno, ME!, walks in and finds you there.
Yes, I will never participate in any kind of communal gym activity again. The only saving grace is that I walked in on him from this angle...
... and not from this one.
Still, I have to throw it out there; what the fuck do you think he was doing? Cramps? Lost contact lens? Are we all destined to eventually think it is acceptable to get down on all fours, naked, in a public space?
8 comments:
I just sprayed coffee all over my screen.
Well, count yourself lucky. I can't sleep at night.
is it true? what kind of gyms do you go to
Oh yes, this one is 100% bona fide. And the gym is just my local in East London, popular with kids and adults of all ages because it has a 33.3333 metre pool (we'll talk about that another time). Would it make it more palatable if my gym promoted itself as a haunt for freaks and perverts?
And that, children, is why we don't go to the gym.
You have waaaay to much time on your hands, my friend. Who was designing the overpriced designer tat of the future whilst you had your felt pens out?
You need to move back to Bristol. London people are weird.
I see... so there is already an 'anonymous'. Well, I shall choose something else then, something unique.
Anyway, enough about me (not really, but...). So you have:
1) An elderly gent (possibly frail)
2) A public place
3) A slippery floor
4) Some evidence of distress.
Assist? Ambulance? No. Run away and draw cartoons? Yes.
Still, if it keeps people out of gyms then I'm all for spread-eagled geriatric botty-parading.
Hello the exercise is only bad if you spreed you're ankle other wise is a nice think to remain healthy .
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